Dr. Benway's Office

01 - Esquivel (with Combustible Edison) - Jingle Bells (Greetings From Esquivel!)
02 - The Beach Boys - Melekalikimaka
03 - Cassetteboy - Ho Ho Ho
04 - DJ John - The Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown
05 - The Carpenters - Merry Christmas Darling
06 - Bob Atcher & The Dinning Sisters - Christmas Island
07 - Sheila E. - Santa Baby
08 - Cassetteboy - Up The Chimney
09 - Eartha Kitt - Nothin' For Christmas
10 - Jingle Punx - Baby It's Cold Outside
11 - Charo - Feliz Navidad
12 - Arthur Lyman - Mele Kalikimaka
13 - Ike & Tina Turner - Merry Christmas Baby
14 - Ella Fitzgerald - Christmas Island
15 - Cassetteboy - Bingmas
16 - Aretha Franklin - Winter Wonderland
17 - Standstill - I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
18 - The Sportsmen - Reindeer Rock
19 - Spike Jones - Christmas Island
20 - Celia Cruz - Jingle Bells
21 - Cassetteboy - Banned Aid
22 - Rotary Connection - Christmas Love
23 - Bessie Smith - At The Christmas Ball
24 - Lynn Anderson - Ding-A-Ling The Christmas Bell
25 - Heather Noel - Santa Came on A Nuclear Missle
26 - El Vez - Mamacita Donde Esta Santa Claus
27 - Blowfly - Jingle Fuckin' Bells
28 - The Andrews Sisters, Guy Lombardo - Christmas Island
29 - The Children of the Inpatient Music Therapy Program, University of Michigan Children's Psychiatric Hospital - O Come, All Ye Faithful
30 - Cassetteboy - Merry Christmas ft Wesley Willis
31 - Pearl Bailey - A Five Pound Box of Money
32 - Go Home Productions - Carpenters Christmas (Karen Meets Roots Radics Uptown)
33 - Loretta Lynn - To Heck With Ole Santa Claus
34 - Bit Shifter - Let It Snow
35 - Kamehameha Alumni Glee Club - Mele Kalikimaka

notes
Esquivel's "Jingle Bells (Greetings From Esquivel!)" was produced by Combustible Edison and appears on Merry Xmas From The Space Age Bachelor Pad.

The Beach Boys' "Melekalikimaka" can be heard on The Beach Boys Ultimate Christmas.

Cassetteboy's "Ho Ho Ho," "Up The Chimney," "Bingmas," "Banned Aid," and "Merry Christmas ft. Wesley Willis" appear on Festive Christmas.

DJ John's "The Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown" is from Santastic: Holiday Boots 4 Your Stockings.

The Carpenters' "Merry Christmas Darling" may be heard on Christmas Portrait.

I found Bob Atcher & The Dinning Sisters' "Christmas Island" on Ultra-Lounge: Christmas Cocktails, Part Two.

Sheila E.'s cover of "Santa Baby" was featured on Playboy's Latin Jazz Christmas: A Not So Silent Night.

Eartha Kitt's "Nothin' For Christmas" can be found on Christmas Blues & Shout.

"Baby It's Cold Outside," as interpreted by The Jingle Punx, is from It's What I Got In My Sack.

Charo's "Feliz Navidad" is from the delightful Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special.

Arthur Lyman included this vibealicious version of Mele Kalikimaka on With A Christmas Vibe.

I found Ike & Tina Turner's "Merry Christmas, Baby" on The Best of Cool Yule.

"Christmas Island" by Ella Fitzgerald is a bonus track on the reissue of Ella Wishes You A Swinging Christmas.

Aretha Franklin's rendition of "Winter Wonderland is from Rhino's Rockin' Christmas: The 60's.

The compilation A Santa Cause: It's A Punk Rock Christmas featured Standstill's "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus."

The Sportsmen's "Reindeer Rock" was compiled on Rockabilly Xmas.

Spike Jones' "Christmas Island" may be heard on Let's Sing A Song Of Christmas.

Celia Cruz's excellent take on "Jingle Bells" appeared on Mambo Santa Mambo: Christmas from the Latin Lounge.

Rotary Connection's "Christmas Love" is from their album Peace.

I found "At The Christmas Ball" by Bessie Smith on Jingle Blues: House of Blues Christmas Collection.

Lynn Anderson's "Ding-A-Ling The Christmas Bell" is from The Christmas Album.

Heather Noel's "Santa Came on A Nuclear Missle" was featured on The American Song-Poem Christmas.

"Mamacita Donde Esta Santa Claus" by El Vez is from his album Merry MeX-mas.

Blowfly's "Jingle Fuckin' Bells" is from the hilariously raunchy Blowfly Does XXX-Mas.

A Merry Christmas with Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters features Guy Lombardo & His Royal Canadians ably backing The Andrews Sisters on "Christmas Island".

"O Come, All Ye Faithful" is from Christmas at C.P.H. - The Children of the Inpatient Music Therapy Program, University of Michigan’s Children’s Psychiatric Hospital.

"A Five Pound Box of Money" by Pearl Bailey appears on Hipsters' Holiday: Vocal Jazz & R&B Classics.

Go Home Productions' "Carpenters Christmas (Karen Meets Roots Radics Uptown)" is on the mashup collection Santastic II: Clausome!

Loretta Lynn's "To Heck With Ole Santa Claus" can be heard on Hillbilly Holliday.

Bit Shifter's "Let It Snow" was composed and performed on a GameBoy and is compiled on The 8bits of Christmas.

"Mele Kalikimaka" by the Kamehameha Alumni Glee Club appears on Mele Kalikimaka - A Hawaiian Christmas Party.

Mele Kalikimaka from Sgt Howie cover features pin-up art by Bill Medcalf.

tracks
01 - Robin Thicke - Everything I Can't Have
02 - Sielab - (Take Your Pants Off &) Follow the Leader
03 - Bobbie Gentry - He Made a Woman Out of Me
04 - Salem Al Fakir - Count Me Out
05 - Patti LaBelle & the Bluebelles - Go on (This Is Goodbye)
06 - Essra Mohawk - Spiral
07 - Roisin Murphy - Footprints
08 - Koko Taylor - Time Will Tell
09 - Hues Corporation - I'm Gonna Catch You
10 - B.J. Snowden - In Canada
11 - Bent - Magic Love
12 - The Evolution Control Committee - I Want A Cookie
13 - The Gossip - Are U That Somebody
14 - Hanne Hukkelberg - Ease
15 - Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings - 100 Days, 100 Nights
16 - Mr. Oizo - Transexual
17 - The Countdown Five - Candy
18 - Me'Shell Ndegéocello - Elliptical
19 - Teena Marie - Honey Call
20 - Xaviera Hollander - The Hippie
21 - Yma Sumac - Malambo No. 1

notes
Robin Thicke's "Everything I Can't Have" appeared on The Evolution of Robin Thicke.

"(Take Your Pants Off &) Follow the Leader" by Sielab is from Suck it and See.

Bobbie Gentry's "He Made a Woman Out of Me" can be heard on Fancy.

Salem Al Fakir's "Count Me Out" is from his amazing debut This Is Who I Am.

I first heard Patti LaBelle & the Bluebelles "Go on (This Is Goodbye)" on The Early Years.

Essra Mohawk's "Spiral" appeared on her acclaimed LP Primordial Lovers.

Róisín Murphy's "Footprints" is from her excellent album Overpowered.

"Time Will Tell" by Queen of the Blues Koko Taylor is on Jump For Joy.

Hues Corporation's "I'm Gonna Catch You" appears on the Blacula soundtrack.

I fell in love with B.J. Snowden's "In Canada" while listening to Songs in the Key of Z: The Curious Universe of Outsider Music.

Bent's "Magic Love", featuring the vocal stylings of Billie Jo Spears, can be heard on their phenomenal album The Everlasting Blink.

The Evolution Control Committee's "I Want A Cookie" appears on the essential Plagiarythm Nation Vol. 2.0.

The Gossip's cover of Aaliyah's "Are U That Somebody" is on GSSP RMX.

Hanne Hukkelberg's "Ease" is on her highly recommended album Little Things.

Mr. Oizo 's "Transexual" is from his Transexual/Patrick 122 EP.

The Countdown Five's "Candy" is from Psychedelic States: Texas in the '60s, Vol. 1.

Me'Shell Ndegéocello's "Elliptical" is from her latest release, The World Has Made Me The Man Of My Dreams.

Teena Marie's "Honey Call" appeared on her phenomenal 2004 comeback album La Doña.

I discovered Xaviera Hollander's "The Hippie" on Hippie Goddesses - Soaked with Sizzling 1960s-70s Funky Femme Psych Sounds. You heard this track sampled heavily on Sielab's (Take Your Pants Off &) Follow the Leader.

Yma Sumac's "Malambo No. 1," from Mambo!, was heavily sampled on Robin Thicke's "Everything I Can't Have."

Night cover features "Godlike," a photo by Chuck Anderson.

Here's the wildest Christmas fun album you'll ever hear in this century or any other. It's strictly for adults and loaded with a daring broadside of the sexiest, most delightfully naughty songs, stories and spicy chatter ever recorded.

So reads the back cover copy of another great file sharing find, I Know What He Wants For Christmas... But I Don't Know How To Wrap It! Kay Martin and Her Body Guards were a Vegas lounge act who specialized in adult musical comedy and this is a thoroughly bawdy holiday album- quaintly, adorably 1962 bawdy. A classic party record of the sort no one makes anymore. The few vinyl copies still circulating are so highly sought-after by collectors it's practically the holy grail of Christmas albums. Oddly that's a model, not Kay, on the cover. Oddly because Kay herself appeared topless on another of their albums and her boobs were the stars of the show. Check out the back cover and listen to their live act (side 2 aka track 9) to see what I mean.

Thanks to The Christmas Yuleblog and The Groove Grotto! for schooling me on Kay Martin and Her Bodyguards.
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Listening to: Kay Martin and Her Body Guards - Hang Your Balls on the Christmas Tree

I have a new Christmas tradition. Somewhere after the turkey is put to rest, I wander into my Itunes to dig out Nicole and the Dreamcatchers who woo me into delight and hilarity for 7 songs amounting to a little under 6 minutes of time. Who is Nicole and what is she about? I can tell you for sure that I don't know. And what I don't know my mind gets to put tooth to. I think she is a girl somewhere around 12 years of age who has a bad time carrying a tune, but is incredibly fun and imaginative. She is also someone who has a grip on true holiday excitement and anticipation that is sought in ideal by so many...Nicole doesn't seek illumination - she owns it.

Sounds Are Active had the full scoop:

Okay kids. Here it tis. The singularly amazing, underground classic (to all 30 people who have a copy) Krismus Karuls.

Originally released in 2003 on Konstrictor Productions this fantastically bizzare record features both a 7 song Christmas EP from Nichole & The Dreamcatchers, whose lead singer, Nichole, is in full command of her twelve year old voice. Amazing stuff. Then the full on extravaganza. Two tracks from Half-Handed Cloud, The Mary Hamhocks (Liz Janes and husband- erstwhile Slowly Rotating Fan- Michael Kaufmann) and Mary Krismus. Probably the prettiest thing Create (!) has ever recorded ("Hymn for St. John of Shanghai"- bonus points if you know what he is the patron saint of...), a great lo-fi, fun instrumental from elusive My Marathon and a simply astounding piece of music from Joel Pickell (drummer and musician in the travelling Half-Handed Cloud circus). What is Christmas without kids!?? Childhood tape recordings from 1978 and 87 bookend the tracks and the album tops off with "Red & Green" from themorningcall featuring some sweet baby chatter.

WOW! Merry Christmas indeed! Get it while you can...

A commenter there also filled in the history of the album:

I am still amazed by this wonderful little nugget. The first section (tracks 1-7) were all recorded in the early summer of 2003, when some friends of the family flew out of Lenoir City, Tennessee to see us here in Berkeley California.
Their daughter, Nichole age twelve, has a unique voice. The summer before, when they visited us, we had done some recordings with her that kept us anticipating their next visit. Nichole’s ideas were incredible. Listening to her was refreshing. The music she made didn’t obey the rules. It was real and impossible to recreate.
When she visited us the second time, I had already planned how the session was going to unravel. We would only do Christmas songs. We were going to record as many as we could.
After they left, my brother Rian and I played the songs for our friend John Ringhofer who was very amazed by the sugar coated pop brainchild kid. “Laughs”.
Anyway, the tapes were soon forgotten and left to rust and gather crumbs in the filth and scatter of our carpet. Meanwhile, I was writing some Christmas songs of my own. I talked to John about the songs I had been working on; he told me he had a few Christmas songs up his sleeves also, and wouldn’t it be cool if we made a small compilation. “I’m sure the Campfire Kids would be into it”, he said. “What about the Nichole stuff?”, I asked,” I really wanted to get that stuff finished too.”. “Let’s just put it all on one disc.” he said. This was a clever suggestion because Nichole had already finished the artwork. The only thing left to do was the inside designs, recording, and emailing.
Even though there wasn’t much time left until Christmas, everyone got there songs finished and sent in by the deadline. The final product was a Christmas tour de force. If you don’t believe me, try it out yourself. That’s not a dare; that’s a promise. Thank you John and Chris and everyone who contributed their time. Happy holidays. I’ve got ringworm.

Er, thanks for sharing. Anyway, you should hear this album. Download the individual files at Sounds Are Active or get the full album with hi-res scans of the cover, CD face (priceless) and booklet in a zip file here. Let me know if that link expires and I'll re-upload it.

Special thanks to artist Jonathan Dueck, who doesn't know me from Adam's housecat but was kind enough to scan and send me all the album art when I emailed him out of the blue. (Bonus: I was introduced to his amazing work.)

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Listening to: Nichole & The Dreamcatchers - Chocolate Stars (I'll Be Home)